Not So Happy Feet

You probably noticed I haven't been online at all this past week even though in my last post, I explicitly said that I would be. I have yet to take any of my online courses, in which I am now four lessons behind in both courses. I do, however, have a couple of reasons in my defense. Sure, they're horrible reasons, but they are reasons nonetheless.

First of all, who can blame me with all the wonderful season premieres launching last week. I'm talking about great television programs including but not limited to Heroes, Kid Nation, Beauty and the Geek, and Kitchen Nightmares! Alright, anyone with more than a peanut for a brain should probably be criticizing my judgment, or lack thereof. The smart thing to do would be to not watch so much tv. But I'm not that smart.

Second of all, I have been completely entrenched in the realm of fantasy baseball. Those of you who don't play these things probably think I'm crazy. You don't even have to say it. But you know I have no real athletic talent, so let me have my fantasy sports, alright? Anyway, today marks the very last day of the season and if all goes well, I will emerge tomorrow morning as the champion in the league at work! The guy I'm playing is a legend in the office but I have a very good chance of taking him down. This guy has won the last two years and I just started playing last year so this is like a real life David and Goliath battle, except David is going to win this one. I'm David. I'm making a powerful enemy at work but there are people counting on me to take him down. I've even been offered a free lunch if I win in addition to the top prize money. Normally, I don't like talking about other people in this sorry blog of mine and this is no exception. So that's all I'll say about that. I don't want to see any pink slips on my desk.

Speaking of work, I recently bought a pair of new work shoes and gazooks, are they uncomfortable. Maybe "uncomfortable" isn't the right word. A better word would probably be "discomforting." The problem is that the shoes are really narrow. I don't know why I didn't pick up on that when I tried them on at the store. I think I was just excited that I'd finally be wearing something that didn't emit any funny odors. What irks me is that these shoes are meant to be comfortable, which is why I decided to spend a few extra clams on this particular pair. But the other day, I went to play basketball after work so I took off the work shoes to put on the basketball ones and it felt like I was walking on a cloud! If you're wondering if I really have experience walking on clouds, the answer is no. It's called lying. Anywho, it could be that I just have fat feet. It's not the first time a new pair of shoes have felt a bit narrow. In fact, when I looked at my footprints the other day, all I saw were elephant tracks. Go figure. It's all in my head, right? So because of this unfortunate predicament, I've been taking off my shoes at work when I'm sitting at my desk. I guess it also gives me an opportunity to air out my feet. That probably explains the large number of people passing out as they walk pass my cube.

Getting My Learn On

Alas, I have found an answer to the mystery behind the age-old mystery of all age-old mysteries, that being the problem of why people who hate school hate school and why people who love school love school. The answer is: I don't know. I hope I didn't mislead you into thinking I actually had an answer to a problem. I only have problems to answers. At any rate, I'm dusting off the old bookbag and breaking out the abacus for some personal enrichment. I hope that's like saying I just started taking some classes because that's what I meant. But I'm starting to wish I hadn't signed up for these particular courses I'm taking.

One of these courses are on Saturdays. It's forty miles away. And it's from 8:15 am to 4:15 pm. I have to wake up at ungodly hours for this class. And then I have to stay an ungodly amount of time before I can go home. Not to mention the ungodly amount of traveling to get there. Good thing it's only for three Saturdays though.

Then there's these two other online courses I signed up for. I thought it'd be fun because I could do it in the comforts of my own home. The courses started last week, but I haven't been to any of the classes yet. So I'm already two lessons behind in two courses. And I don't know how these online things work. I don't know if each lesson is an hour or if it's half a day. I don't know if I have to do any homework or if the class bully is going to force me do his. I don't know if I have to download some pre-recorded video or if the professor is on standby and will lecture to me live. I don't know anything. Literally. Then again, maybe that's why I should be taking more classes.

So for the next six weeks, you'll probably see me online fairly often. Don't say I didn't warn you.

What's With Monkeys and Bananas?

I was at Jamba Juice today, as I often am when I'm in a Jamba Juicy mood, and ordered my regular original orange juice. Yes, I realize you all think I'm an idiot for paying several dollars for a simple orange juice. But the first time I ever ordered an orange juice there, I could have sworn they used no less than thirty oranges. Since then, that's all I get there. There's just something satisfying about seeing Jamba Juice sacrifice a grove of orange trees worth of oranges so that I could have my 24 ounces of freshly squeezed oj. I first thought that there would maybe be ten oranges in that thing but then I learned to count. Life is mysteriously better when you know how to count.

Anywho, back to my story, if you can even call it that. So I order my juice, I pay the guy behind the register, and then he asks me "If you were at a zoo today, what animal would you be, Justin?" I couldn't believe my ears. I'm here trying to order my orange juice and the dude wants to talk animals?!? Go figure. So after thinking for a little bit, I humor him and say "a monkey." Then he shouts out "Looks like we have our first monkey!" Then everybody in the store looks at me with a smile as if I'm some Chinese guy who said he wants to be a monkey. So everybody is happy and jovial and I walk over to the "waiting area." I use those quotation marks because it's not really a waiting area. It's more of a waiting zone, in my opinion. But as I'm walking over there, one of the girls walks over to me with something in her hand. She gives it to me and I see that it's a slice of frozen banana that they use for the smoothies! That girl was a genius. I don't know if that was planned or what but I literally laughed out loud. Everyone in the store was laughing too. I'd like to think they were laughing WITH me but when people are pointing and laughing, that's usually not the case. Alright, nobody was really pointing. Even if they were, I wouldn't care. That banana slice just made my day. It was good too. I think I'll start freezing my bananas from now on.

I guess they were asking the same question to all the customers cause I heard the lady after me say "emu." Crazy lady. Emus have nothing on a monkey. They get no banana too.

My First Semicolon

No doubt, some of you thought I was crazy after reading my last post as I compared a couple of popular songs to that of excrement. Truth be told, most of you already knew I was crazy before I made the post; the post was just extra proof. Hey, I just used a semicolon! Probably incorrectly though. It's a good thing I don't know any English teachers. This blog would probably overload everything they ever knew about grammar and trigger a stomachache so powerful, it would be felt as far as their third toe on the left foot. Anywho, I didn't make this post to talk about feet.

I was listening to a morning radio show and as the custom of radio stations, they played a song. This song happened to be Keyshia Cole's Let It Go, a song that I have a particular disdain for. And while the song is playing, the host gets an email from the program director that the song is not on "the list" and should not have been played. So the host calls the big shot program director. The director says it's not on the list because it doesn't fit well with the audience and is not a proven hit yet. Booyakasha! Music to my ears. I told you that song was weak! I knew I had to be right about something eventually. The program director is probably some jerk high up in the ranks but he was right. He was right because he agreed with what I said in my last post, proving I'm not really the charlatan I make myself out to be.

So what did I learn from this? Well, I learned that I don't care about what people think about my opinions. That is, until someone agrees with me. Then I care. I care then because I'm right and all the naysayers can have a hearty slice of humble pie.

Replay Dat Beat!

Whoever invented music should get a hearty pat on the back and a ten dollar gift certificate to itunes. Since I've been listening to the radio at work, my productivity level has skyrocketed. I think i may be starting to resemble someone who does not work for the government. Actually, no. Let's not go that far. So these past few days, I've been listening to a lot of radio and naturally, some songs get played four or five times throughout the day. Some of those songs are good and I wouldn't mind hearing them more often. But some of those songs just plain suck sour frog buttocks! Here are a couple of songs with a lot of air time that I could live without:

Song I Hate No. 1

Title: Make Me Better
Artist: Fabolous feat. Ne-Yo

YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMUhmEJdAB4

Part I Hate:
I'm a movement by myself
But I'm a force when we're together.
Mami I'm good all by myself.
But baby you, you make me better.

My take: Speaking of movements and force, I think I've heard forced bowel movements that sound better than this song. The beat and the lyrics just don't work for me. It's probably just me cause this song is ridiculously popular. O well, such is life. Here's a fun fact: Ne-Yo is part Chinese. Maybe this song should be recalled like the other Chinese products. Ah, what a lame joke...

Song I Hate No. 2

Title: Let It Go
Artist: Keyshia Cole feat. Missy Elliott, Lil Kim

YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAgRgy1I8hg

Part I Hate:
When this song come on in the club
They gon be like
Damn that's hot
And when they play it in they car
They gon drop they tops like
Damn that's hot
They gon mix it wit Biggie "It was all a dream" like
Damn that's hot
Me and Keyshia won't stop
Til the tick don't tock like
Damn that's hot

My Take: This song is hot.. a hot, steaming pile of dog doo doo. It's too bad because Keyshia can sing. Alrite, no she can't. This song I especially don't like though, especially the Missy Elliott part. On a side note, you know I'd make a horrible critic by the way I compare everything to waste products.

Song I Don't Hate

So now, to soothe my ear aches and pains, I'll share a song that was recently introduced to me. I think it's been around for a while but it's new to me:

YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_RdPawsqgo