Stuff That Looks Like Other Stuff

Even people who are living under a rock know about the tragedy at Virginia Tech last week so I'm not going to walk you through what happened. Of course, everybody is talking about this thing - including mothers, grandmothers, grandmother's grandmothers, and grandmother's grandmothers' grandmothers. And out of those conversations come an interesting observation that I have come across. Sure, you probably already gave me zero credibility with the grandmother's grandmothers' grandmother stunt I just pulled, but just stick with me for a while here.

I've been told that I look like Seung-Hui Cho and needless to say, that bothers me a bit. How would you like to resemble a nutcase? Guys want to look like famous movie stars like Bill Bixby or Ray Bolger. They don't want to look like Hitler or Mao Zedong... even if they are handsome. The first time I was told, I dismissed it as hearsay. But when multiple people with no relation to each other tell you the same thing, even O.J. Simpson's lawyers can't bail you out of that one. So you be the judge... me on the left, Seung-Hui Cho on the right...

You know, that I look at that, there does appear to be an uncanny resemblance. Actually, that would explain why people on the bus have been giving me the stink eye. That would also explain why I've been getting special discounts for dog meat. I guess it's not all bad.

But really, saying that Koreans are catching a bad break is an understatement of Biblical proportions. Yesterday, I was watching the season finale of The Apprentice and the Korean guy, James, made it to the final two. But you know what happened. Donald Trump fired James. Talk about pouring salt on an open wound. Is it a coincidence that in the same week, the Korean community gets a black eye from the Virginia Tech incident AND the Korean on The Apprentice gets fired? Well, yea, it probably is.

One last thing... since we're on reality tv shows, was anyone also bummed out when Sanjaya got the boot? I guess it was expected but wow could anyone not like this kid? Here are my top 5 reasons why I was rooting for him:

5. He was the only Asian person.
4. He was the dark horse.
3. He can't sing.
2. He looks like Hector Jimenez from Nacho Libre. (see below)
1. His name rhymes with diarrhea.


O well, there's always next time.

The T-errible Line

As all the locals should know by now, MUNI opened its T-Line that runs from Castro Station to who knows where. Unfortunately, the T does not stand for punctual, clean, safe, reliable, or comfortable. But it does stand for The-thing-that's-making-MUNI-go-from-bad-to-worse. The underground buses have not been nice to commuters this past week. The problem that everyone is complaining about is the delays. Well, someone is always complaining about delays but people have been extraordinarily vocal about it this week.

So today at the bus station, MUNI agents were handing out fliers with a letter from the chief of MUNI. His name is Nate Ford or something or rather. I wonder if his job description is to be a jerk and make people mad. Because if it is, he's doing one bang up job! So this letter he signed apologizes to riders about the delays and makes bogus statements about how they're working around the clock to fix the problem.

The way I look at, the answer is simple. Take away the T-line. How difficult is that, right? Sure, the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on this new line would be wasted. And the twenty plus years it took to plan this project would also go down the drain. But I don't care. At least I wouldn't be 30 minutes late to work every day.

Well, to be fair, I'm looking at MUNI's side of the story and trying to sympathize with them. After all, the real problem might not be the buses. I think the problem could be that people expect too much from a simple bus ride. Could expectations of our humble transit system be too high? Maybe. I mean why should someone expect the buses to be on schedule? It's not like people actually like to go to work anyway. And what's the big deal with being packed in like sardines and having no room to move or breathe? Some people like it a little cozy... even it means being sandwiched between two portly ladies.

Yeah, that's probably it. People are just too spoiled here.

He has Risen. He is Not Here!

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life. -S.D. Gordon

Well, if you didn't know, today is THE day the Church celebrates the resurrection of Christ. So Happy Easter! What's so great about the Easter story is that it just makes everything else pale in significance. Why? Because it's all about Jesus. Duh.

And what better way for me to celebrate Easter then to make a new post, right? Truth be told, there are many other ways - and they're all probably infinitely better. But if you take away all those good ideas one by one, somewhere along the line will be "posting on insignificant blog." Besides, how many bloggers do you know of that are posting on their blogs today? Other than everyone on the planet, I've got to be the only one. But please, hold the accolades. There is no need to thank me, friends. The pleasure is all mine.

So anyway, I've been thinking about people's diets and what they eat. I was at Fresh Choice yesternight and was a little surprised by how well that place is doing. First of all, the meal does not include any meat whatsoever, save for the pepperoni on the pepperoni pizza and the clams in the clam chowder. Second of all, the mac and cheese has no cheese! What in the name of Steve Urkel would motivate them to serve mac and cheese without the cheese? It's like going into a fast food joint and saying "Yeah, I'll have the cheeseburger but hold the cheese." Madness, I tell you. Well, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, Jesus was a forgiving man and I can be one too... usually. Maybe they're just looking out for us lactose intolerant folks. Or maybe I just went on a bad day. Ugh.. but either way, the guy who founded Kraft Foods must be spinning in his grave!

Anywho, that's not the point I wanted to exaggerate. I just don't know why people like Fresh Choice. I think most people go because they think it's healthy and that they can't possibly gain any weight from eating there. I've got news for those people: if you eat all you can eat, you're going to gain weight. For some reason, people think salads and soups are some magical food that contain zero calories. And they eat them like they contain negative calories. The latest stat I've seen is that one third of the country is overweight. I must have saw a third of those people at Fresh Choice yesterday.

I can pinky swear with the best of them but I'm going to give away the big secret to losing weight and that is: EAT LESS, TUBBY! Why is that so hard to swallow? Pun intended. People, you don't need to give away your hard earned dollars to other people to help you lose weight. All you have to do is eat less! That or exercise more. But I hate exercise so I'd rather eat less. So If you're trying to eat less, a buffet isn't going to cut it. On the contrary, you'll be the one cutting it. And by "it," I mean "the cheese."

I saw on the news recently that TGI Friday's is serving their meals in smaller portions. Not only that, the prices have gone down to reflect the smaller serving sizes. Unfortunately, I'm not all that familiar with the restaurant chain. I've only been to Friday's a couple of times in my whole life and I'll probably go another two times the rest of my life. But I say good for them. Nobody ordering an appetizer and dessert should be eating a full rack of ribs anyway.

Having said that, you'll still probably see me at various buffets. I've got nothing against buffets. I'm just trying to look out for the little people. I guess in this case, the little people are the big people.

Spare Some Change?

For some reason, I've noticed an increase in the hobo population in the past few days. And I'm not just talking about hobos. I'm talking about bums, homeless people, transients, and vagabonds alike. I have no idea where they came from. It's like they're here on spring break. Perhaps, they've come to feast on the growing number of tourist who foolishly underestimate the hobo community.

See, nobody ever thinks about the hobo factor when they go on vacation. And once when they run into a tenacious hobo, forget about it. They might as well personally hand their spare change straight over to the drug dealer. You know, with all the hobos that hang around the main library, you would think that we would have some of the smartest hobos around. But I usually see them passed out on the street or high on something. Hopefully, these people will get the help they need because apparently, the library isn't helping the cause. I guess whoever thinks libraries make people smart needs to go back to the drawing board.

Speaking of being wrong, a nice non-hobo-ish lady asked me for some directions this afternoon. She specifically asked me where 5th Street was and so I told her it was the next block. Having done a good deed, I gave myself a pat on the back. I got some weird looks but it was worth it. Helping the lost find their way is no small accomplishment. But then I hear the lady again asking the exact same question to some guy behind me. I thought... Ouch! What a slap in the face! How could she not believe me? I've been living in this city my whole life! And of course, to add insult to injury, the guy says, "It's right here." And you know what? He was right.