This is Spawta!

Who would have ever thought that the IMAX at Metreon would be sold out on a Wednesday night for 300? Come on, the place has 600 seats! And the movie is almost two weeks old! And it's a school night! And a ticket costs $15! Ugh... Anyway, I ended up sitting in the second row so note to self: if you're going to be late to a big movie, go alone. There's just no way you're going to find 5 or 6 good, open seats in the middle or back of the theater. But see, if you go alone, you could probably find a seat in any row you like. The person you sit next to will probably put you on their hit list because you took away their elbow room but hey, good seats are worth it sometimes. But this movie was worth the sore neck I got from sitting so close. In fact, it would probably be worth four sore necks. I'm not a movie critic and I don't play one on TV, but I rate 300 with an unprecedented four sore necks!

Anywho, the reason why I bring up the movie about the Spartans is that today, I met an engineer who graduated from San Jose State. Actually, I've met him before so it's not like I've never seen him before. When I was applying for an internship last spring, this guy was one of the people who interviewed me. I didn't get the offer from his department, but that's a moot point now. So today, my supervisor introduces me to this guy by my first name. And with a squinting eye, the guy somehow recognized the name and said my last name in question format. Apparently, he remembered interviewing me. I remember this particular guy because he asked me the hardest question ever to befall on my unbefalling ears. Allow me to flashback to the interview last year. Cue the flashback wind chime sounds! ...So I was being interviewed in a conference room by this guy and another older gentlemen. They joked that I was at an advantage because the older guy went to San Francisco State and this other guy went to San Jose State, both schools of which I have attended. They were both very proud men, knocking the other school and insisting that their respective school was better. So then they turn to me and asked: "Which school is better, San Francisco State or San Jose State?..." I didn't wear enough underwear to keep my pants dry that day. So unflash back to today. The guy from San Jose State is proudly wearing a blue hardhat emblazoned with a gold image of the San Jose State logo - that of the Spartan.

And the reason why I bring that up is that as I am typing this, I'm watching the NCAA regional semi-finals taking place in San Jose. And as the camera pans across the court, what do you see but none other than the San Jose State Spartan at the top and bottom of the half court line.

So first, the inspirational movie about the Spartans. Then, the guy with his Spartan hardhat. And now, seeing the home of Spartans hosting the big NCAA tournament. I can't help but feel a little proud. I'll admit, I was never really fond of San Jose State and in a week or two, I'll probably have a relapse. But in the past of 24 hours, I just got a fat dose of Spartan love. And on an absolute scale, that has raised my feelings of SJSU from totally ashamed to mildly disgusted.

Never underestimate a man in a loincloth.

Frosted Lucky Charms...

...they're magically delicious!
It looks like I'm a day late to sing the praises of St. Patrick and his big day. O well. I'm never on time anyway. To make up for that, I'm going to wear green for one extra day. And the green I speak of is not just in my nose! What kind of dirty slob do you take me for? I have plenty of green clothes, believe it or not. Sure, it's in the form of a stain, but green is green, right?
Anywho, I always wondered why watering holes all over America are packed on the day meant to celebrate a missionary from Ireland? Did he baptize people with alcohol? Was St. Patrick a booze hound? Well, maybe he was. I never knew him. I was only a little boy when he died. But what's next? Tipping cows in celebration of Mother Theresa? Actually, that might not be so bad.
If I had it my way, St. Patrick's Day would be a fun, family-oriented day. Everybody would add a prefix their name like "Mc" or "O' " for the day. Restaurants would arrange their food in the shape of a shamrock. Everybody would get free tickets to a Michael Flatley concert so they can pelt him with potatoes. And I would let Leprechauns have control of Congress for the day. Well, that couldn't really happen, I guess. We all know Leprechauns are instinct.
So what is the next big quote, unquote holiday? According to BlueMountain.com, today is actually Quilting Day. The 21st is Single Parents Day. The 26th is Make Your Own Holiday Day. And the 28th is Respect Your Cat Day. Haha... you can't make this stuff up

Coveralls That Don't Cover All

So is everyone enjoying the daylight savings time as much as I am? The only problem is that when you wake up, it's still dark. And that's not cool. Well, temperature wise, it probably is. But conceptual wise, it's not. But my suggestion to whoever had the power to make the change is that they should tell everyone to change it ahead about 30 years... so I can retire. Actually, I'd have no money if I retired so soon so maybe that's not the best of ideas.

What IS a good idea though is this t-shirt I saw at the controversial Battlecry event over the weekend. Here's a link to the shirt in question:

Click Me!

Nice, huh?

Speaking of t-shirts, I saw a rather large gentleman on the bus today and the undersized, bright orange shirt he was wearing didn't leave much to the imagination. What it did leave, however, was a nice pale gut hanging over his trousers. It was like an elephant wearing an eyepatch to cover up its butt. Additionally, when he raised his arm to hold on to the overhead bar, not only did he expose the gut in all its glory, he also revealed an open slit in the armpit area of the said shirt. I could almost see the stink lines flowing out that opening like a diarrhea of aroma returning to the bowels of hell. Not pretty, my friends. Not so at all.

But what was even more interesting was the looks on people's faces as they entered the bus. Watching for their reactions was more interesting than the large fella himself. I knew they were trying not to look but there's just no fighting such a temptation. Their eyes were destined to meet the gut. Even a blind man would look.

Racial Profiling

So today, I walk into an Eddie Bauer and the first thing that the sales lady at the entrance says to me is "Hey, are you Filipino?" So I say "Lasing ka na ba?" which means "Are you drunk?" in Tagalog. Alright, I didn't say that. I just looked that up really quick on the internet. I just told her I wasn't. But I wonder if she would have given me a special discount if I said "Yes." Or maybe she was preparing to charge me double. The only other sales person in the store looked like she was Filipino too. I had no idea Eddie Bauer was hiring Filipino women to run their stores. I don't think I've even ever seen an Asian-looking person rocking the rugged stylings of Eddie Bauer. If that's actually true, I wouldn't expect that to change anytime soon.

But that's not the first time someone thought I was Filipino. Just recently, one of the new secretaries at work asked the same question. After I told her I wasn't, she wiped off her forehead and gave an assuring sigh of relief.

So, it happens. People think I'm "one of them" and then apologize when they realize what an idiot they are, but it doesn't bother me. I don't see why it should. It doesn't inconvenience me any.

But last week, I was at Starbucks and felt someone tap my shoulder. I turn around and looking up at me was an elderly Chinese lady. She goes "You're Chinese. Do you speak Cantonese or Mandarin?" She said that in English but the rest was Chinese. She wanted me to relay a message in English to the lady behind the counter, which I gladly did. But that was unusual because she didn't even ask if I was Chinese. She just knew. But how?!? Was it my coke bottle glasses? My buck teeth? The way way I moronically ordered chop suey at a coffee shop? Whatever... she has her reasons. It may have just been a lucky guess.

But if you ask me, Eddie Bauer should hire her.

My Diary-uh

You'll have to excuse me if I haven't been posting as often as I normally do. I'm fighting a bout of the too-lazy-to-update syndrome. Symptoms include explosive diarrhea and instant death... one of which I have yet to experience. I won't tell you which one. I've said too much already.

But this has happened every time I started a website. So perhaps, it's just history repeating itself. But even so, it usually took a few more months before I admitted it. Ah well, as long as I have nothing to do, updating my blog will be a priority - an extremely low one but a priority nonetheless.

Speaking of bowel problems, if you haven't seen that Pepto Max commercial yet with the monsters, you're missing out on an awesome commercial. Here's a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3iiaGD0koU

As the indestructible Ed McMahon would say.. haw haw haw, hiyooooooooo!

Shave Your Chest, Save Your Life

Last week, I completed a First Aid, Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, and Automated External Defibrillator course. That means for the next two years, I am certified to do administer those three things and potentially save someone's life. And that means someone dropped the ball by letting me pass. muhahaha. If it ever comes down to me actually using CPR or an AED, you might as well wave the white flag and listen for the fat lady to belt it. We practiced on a dummy but I'm sure I still killed him many times over.

As you may have already guessed, I remember close to nothing from that class. The thing I do remember is that if an AED is needed and the victim has a hairy chest, you have to shave their chest first or else the stupid machine won't work. Talk about a hairy situation! That, in itself, might be more traumatizing than seeing the victim expire. Maybe I should only hang around people with clean, bare chests. That means I'd be safe hanging around all Chinese guys and most Chinese girls. I guess plan B would be to carry an electric shaver in my wallet. Hmm... yes, that could work. I'll look into that. But hopefully, I won't ever get to that. Otherwise, the victim can add "bloody chest" to their list of problems.

And one last thing from the class... I received a Wallet Skill Guide which is a summary of what to do when certain emergencies arise. There's one part where it shows you what to do if an infant chokes which I found to be quite disturbing, to say the least. Check it out. The images are not Photoshopped in any way. The captions, however, were modified and are my doing.