Sunday, July 8, 2007

Gluttony at it's Finest

Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman at the Rumble in the Jungle. The Axis vs the Allies in World War II. Rosie O'Donnell vs Donald Trump on daytime tv. To categorize these battles as legendary is a gross understatement. They are light years away in superiority than any Super Bowl, World Series, or NBA Championship matchup combined. They will never be forgotten. But lo and behold, last week, came a battle that rivals the awesomeness of the three i mentioned five sentences ago. You know what I'm talking about: THE 2007 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

In one corner, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi. Kobayashi, going into last week's contest, had six consecutive victories, easily making him a true legend among legends. The first thing you'll notice about him when you see him is that he's Japanese. The Japanese are a very advanced people, perhaps even more so than than the Tibetan Monks of Drepung Gomang, so you know anyone going up against him is pretty much doomed. In fact, in his first year in the contest, they had to resort to hand-written signs because they didn't have actual signs that counted that high. That year, he finished with FIFTY hot dogs in twelve minutes, utterly humiliating the previous record of 25.25 hot dogs. To say the least, Kobayashi is a king among men.

But wait! In the other corner, we have Joey "Jaws Chestnut. What's so good about him, you ask? Honestly, I don't know. I just know he goes to San Jose State.

I won't spoil the ending but if you really don't know what happened, you are wasting your internet. It's nice to see that in a world where over 850 million people end the day with an empty stomach, the U.S. is holding contests to see who can ingest 20,000 plus calories worth of hot dog and hot dog buns in a single sitting. It is a true display of athleticism, or some sort of barbarianism anyway. Champions of etiquette and table manners must be keeling over at the sight of this annual contest but they can take their doilies and uh... umm... recycle them, I guess. God bless America and God bless competitive eating.